I've thought about this a lot and have probably written somewhere on here about it, but being an athlete and being super competitive, I've always wanted to be "the best" and see results pretty much immediately. And honestly...I have. Not that I've always been the best because I certainly haven't, but I've always been pretty good and being athletic, a lot of things came easily to me so when I worked hard, that work combined with being naturally pretty athletic usually produced good results that I got to see quickly. That mindset and attitude has spilled over into every other aspect of my life. I always want things to be perfect and I ALWAYS want to see results. Like right now. Up until becoming a parent, I feel like everything I set my mind to, I accomplished and not that I was this cocky biatch, but I was pretty confident in my abilities and who i was, what I could do etc etc etc.......oh my how things have changed.
That is noooooot not not in any way shape or form how this parenting thing is going for me. And I really think God's kind of laughing at me right now watching me go thru this. But really, its so good for me. Every single struggle I've had and am currently having is making me such a better person and gradually molding me into the person I'm meant to be but wow - its difficult.
I'm thinking mainly about Declan when I write this because Carrig's still such an easy little guy and doesn't require much which is just totally the opposite of his brother - my
Today, however, was amazing and its days like today that give me hope. That what we work on is maybe sinking in. Declan and I just had the best day. Really. I absolutely love having two kids and I wouldn't change it ever, but sometimes I do just miss my time with Declan as we spent two years, just us. Today Paul kinda had C and I had D. We walked to the park and played, we went to the farm stand and picked out lots of local produce, we went to the mall, we shopped at Wal Mart and then we had a movie night. And he was phenomenal all.day.long. So well behaved, so polite, so sweet. He must have thanked me 54 times today for various things. He even thanked me for letting him be such a big help :) I told him he was such a big help at Wal Mart and he said "thank you mommy, let decky be big help". Ah - I could have died. He thanked the lady at Blimpie Subs for cutting his meatball sub in two pieces :) He thanked the little that played with him in the bounce house at the mall. He was calling for us to give him more hugs and kisses after he'd been in his room for awhile tonight and when Paul was leaving he said "hey daddy................(paul turned around).....I love you". I mean. C'mon.
This has been years in the making. And I'll take today and just run with it. I'll need to read this and remind myself how rewarding it is to put in the work because while the results are certainly nothing close to immediate, they are so very worth it.
Like I said earlier, I think God's kind of laughing at me up there right now. Luckily, He provided us with some sweet verses to get thru these times and easily one of my favorites, Galatians 6:9, has been on my mind so much recently: 9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Do not grow weary in doing good.........I'm trying.............