C and D

C and D

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

A bad mom day

I think if I write this out I'll feel better so here goes......

Today was not good. Starting at 1230am, when Carrig woke up for the first time. I think he is teething as he hasn't been napping very well the past couple of days and I remember with Declan this was usually a sign of teething....so he wakes up screaming like a maniac a little after midnight and I was CERTAIN it was at least 4am. I was in the middle of a gooooooood REM cycle there buddy, thanks but no thanks for that little interruption. Then again at 1am. Then again at 4am. Then again at 530am. At that point he had a really horribly poopy diaper causing a really horrible diaper rash :( Poor fella........Then Paul and I "woke up" for the day. I know its not his fault but that doesn't mean I have forgiven him yet.....

Declan wakes up on the exact opposite of the right side of the bed. It was not pleasant. Pee in the bed and a big attitude as a side. Fighting me on everything. Strong personalities do not mesh well. Finally he had one tantrum too many and I pretty much stooped down to his level, totally lost my temper, yelled loudly at him and just overall did not handle myself like a mature mother should. There are many days I'm able to handle his toddler 'tude and be an example of how to handle yourself when you get angry. Today was not that day. And I felt absolutely horrible about it...like a total mom fail. Kind of nauseous on the way to his speech therapist.

Speech is fine. His therapist comes out and tells me "I just love him....he is such an endearing child". Ummmmm.....come live with me please. She also tells me that he really struggled today with his vision...he had to get really close to the project they were working on and kept turning his head to try and "see". I hate it....this vision/eye thing is so frustrating and as much as I am dreading surgery, I'm really looking forward to it because I really hope it helps him....

We then head out for a playdate with our buds. Lauren had us over to her house, we made pizzas (she had pre-made a gluten free crust for Declan...good friend) and were all jumping on the trampoline when things got rowdy. Declan is just.....................he's just a boy. Like a boy times a boy times five big linebackers from the NFL. And he likes to wrestle and push and be physical. And he is STRONG. I'm not saying this because I'm his mom, but he really just doesn't realize how strong he is. Add to that his desire to be boyish and fight, and its a bit of a problem.

Lauren has this super cute little 2.5yr old girl named Quinn and after a few love taps from Declan, she decided to bow out of the trampoline fun so she was sitting on the padding outside of the net and Declan and Blake kept jumping. Well Declan, who just cannot freaking help himself, bum rushed her (and I could see this coming from 89032 miles away and still wasn't able to stop it) and knocked her so hard off the trampoline flat on her face. It.Was.Horrible. And I lost my mind on him. Double whammy. He was screaming, I was yelling at him, Quinn was crying and trying to figure out what the heck had just happened. Ohhh it was just bad and I was so mortified for so many different reasons. I couldn't believe Declan had just done that, I was embarrassed about yelling at him in front of other people, I was imagining how HURT Quinn really could have gotten...ugh it was just awful. Thankfully Lauren is awesome and was not upset for one second and Quinn was ok but ugh.....UGH.

Declan is not in ANY way a mean child and I'm pretty confident he didn't know that pushing her would make her fall that far, he just thinks its funny. And that is how he likes to "play" these days. Its so hard to explain to him the difference between playing and wrestling with daddy and playing/wrestling with friends. This is really getting to be a problem but today was easily the worst I have experienced because Quinn really could have gotten hurt. I didn't handle it well and clearly I need to do a better job at speaking to him about how we play with others.

Mom fail times a million today. When I put him to bed I just wanted to cry because he was so sweet and all he wanted was for me to lay with him and cuddle and give him hugs and kisses. That's it. I was a horrible mom today, he was a very strong willed, incredibly physical almost three yr old boy - its to be expected. I am the one who needs to be better.