So I've been thinking so much about this lately and since Paul was gone this weekend (actually that was 2 weekends ago but i am just now getting around to finishing this post) recruiting it just became so much clearer to me (if it wasn't already). I am a team sport kind of girl. I want nothing to do with individual sports.......I swam when I was younger but I can't say how nervous I always always always was the day of a meet. And leading up to the actual race - oh forget about it. I was nauseous every single time - from the earliest I can remember until I was 14 or 15 and stopped swimming. I'm so competetive and I think the thought that it was all on me was just a little too much for me to be able to enjoy. I hate losing......almost more than I love winning, so to think that if I lost and it was all my fault was just not something I was ever able to enjoy, even if I ended up actually winning.
The same goes with parenting. I want nothing to do with doing this on my own. I was talking to my mom about this when she was out here because when she was is in the child rearing years, my dad traveled basically 5 days a week, every single week, and most weekends he was working because that's just how his job was. That said, I don't really think she minded doing it on her own. She got in a rhythm and I'm sure at some point it was easier to do it all on her own than have my dad come home and kind of throw a kink in things when she had it all running how she liked it. My mom was also a phenomenal athlete back in the day - and guess what - she was a gymnast, swimmer and a diver. Individual sport lady she was :)
Not me. I HATE when Paul is gone. I can't say it enough. Even in the middle of the night when I'm breastfeeding Carrig and there is absolutely nothing Paul can do, just knowing he is right beside me in the bed and when I put Carrig back I can snuggle over to his side just brings me a comfort that is sort of inexplicable. Just knowing I'm not alone makes those nights sort of bearable ;)
Paul has always been my comfort. Always - and I don't mean that in the "oh we've been married for a few years now, we're comfortable" - i mean he has always brought a huge amount of peace to my heart. From the day I drove into Colorado, called my new coworker to tell him I had arrived and heard his voice on the phone. I immediately felt at ease. That was a pretty massive change in my life that he saw me thru and here's yet another..........
So anyhow - team sports. That's my game. And this man to man defense thing we're working with right now is a full on team effort and thank GOD that Paul is my teammate. We joke about and people think we're super cheesy but seriously - Team Hogan all the way. I love you so so so so much Paul and I'm so lucky that you are the man that I get to live this life, the craziest, most ridiculously difficult, challenging game we will ever play, with. I wouldn't have it any other way. You are amazing.