I know there will be moments in every day where I doubt if I can do this out here on my own, so I wanted to write it down so I can look back and remind myself of these truths:
-At the end of the day, this upcoming move is by far the best for our family. In less than 2 months we will all be together, maybe ALL OF US meeting at the beach for Easter break :) Take a little dip in the ocean. Why not.
-I will miss TERRIBLY all that Colorado has to offer so instead of wishing I was elsewhere, I need to enjoy this moment right here and take in every little last bit Boulder and Broomfield have to offer.
-I am strong enough to do this. Again, cheeseball, but there's a song that says "even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger" - this is all SO good for me and I need to remember that when I'm feeling down, sad, lonely, pick your word.
-Because we are also in the midst of trying to sell our house, there's a certain amount of cleanliness, organization etc that is required..........all of which I do not have but this will definitely FORCE me to become more clean, organized, better time manager etc and that can only be a positive! Paul will be so pleased with my improved self ;)
-I have done "this" before and gotten thru it so I know I can do it again. Taking my mom and brother to the airport this morning I had that nauseous feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach, knowing what was ahead and that it was just going to be me and buddy out here for the next few months and I remember feeling that same pit almost 11 months ago, taking my mom to the airport a week after Declan was born thinking, "how in the hell am I possibly going to do this" - I did, we got thru it, and I know we will get thru this as well.
-I have the absolute sweetest boy in the world who lights up my life in a way I never knew, and NO MATTER WHAT, I mean absolutely NO MATTER WHAT, he makes me smile so if nothing else, I have him to come home to at the end of the day and I know, he will make me smile.
-Skype is my new best friend. Well, Skype and the Magic Eraser but that's a different topic altogether. We've been able to skype with Paul over breakfast, dinner, playtime, whatever. It has been so nice to see his beautiful smile and hear Declan say "dadadadada" when he sees his daddy :)
-Like my mom says, "I'm only a phone call away" - and along with Skype, this is going to be my next bff as I know at any point, my mom and dad, Carol, Nancy, my brothers and some close friends will be there on the other end to talk me thru whatever funk I'm in :)
-Without getting too deep and freaking people out, I do believe whole-heartedly in the Lord above and when Paul was going thru this whole interviewing process I had an awesome peace about what was taking place. I trusted that God had and has a perfect plan and whatever was going to happen this go-round, it was what was meant to happen and I know for whatever reason, God has me out here with our son, away from Paul and our family to make us stronger and in the end, that is what will happen. I just need to trust........................easier said than done but I know God, and I know He will pull us thru this. I will not question THE MAN! He knows muuuuch more and can see muuuuuch farther ahead into the future than I can so I will trust this is what is right for now.
Phew - think that's it. I just know I'm going to have to remind myself of these things so I wanted to write them down while they were fresh in my mind so in those weak moments, I can be reminded of these truths and not get weighed down with the BS! Let's go, Alli - time to rally ;) Sack up, as Paul would say..............
C and D
