just very very thankful.
i don't know why i do this to myself but there are a few blogs i've found (friends of friends) that inevitably give me perspective and bring me right back down to earth. these blogs are written by parents of kids that are either really really ill, or who have passed. and its horrible. beyond horrible, really. i cannot begin to imagine their pain and i will every once in awhile click on them to see how the baby is doing or how the parents are coping. i don't know them, but the fact that we are all parents in this universe link us forever together so i feel somehow connected. and i care about them. and their babies. and it makes me drop to my knees and thank God mine is healthy. and pray very very verrrry hard for this next one coming.
the past few days with decky have been so sweet. oh he's still throwing tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants but they don't last long and i've been overtaken with this extreme amount of patience. not sure where that came from but the screaming doesn't bother me right now. i can 100% smile thru it, ignore him (or put him in his room far away from me) and when its over tell him how much i love him and how we can better handle his frustration the next time (in 24 minutes) that he gets annoyed. so whatever, the tantrums are what they are...they aren't going away, CLEARLY, so we will just work thru them.
but he is my sweet cuddly super kissable mama's baby boy and i could not love a human being anymore. i read these blogs and i swear, it doesn't matter if decky threw 80 fits that day (which he might have come close to some days who knows) but i immediately go to a place of "what if something happened to him" and it reminds me to be thankful. thankful that i have a super healthy little boy. thankful that he's smart enough to know what he wants. that he is stubborn enough to fight for it. thankful that he wants to give me hugs in the middle of every single meal. every. one. that he NEVER wants to play by himself, always with "mama". thankful that he is my shadow. thankful that i get to stay home with him all day everyday - and that is WAY harder than any "job" i have had or will ever have, but easily the most rewarding. i know so many people say it so i will just echo their sentiments but i honestly do not know what my life would be without him and i'm just so thankful. so so so so thankful, beyond words.
my sweet baby, i wish there was a way i could describe the feeling of hearing your laugh first thing in the morning, or hugging you tight and spooning (his new fave) while reading books before bed but just know that you make my heart so full. you and daddy and little little buddy are THE best things to ever have happened to me and i love you more than life. thank you, God, for my boys. thank you.
