C and D

C and D

Sunday, June 12, 2011

This face:


Makes me forget.

There is a whole lot of pregnancy/labor/parenthood propaganda out there. Not that they make it sound easy, but they make it sound all rosy and beautiful and like this little wonderland so if you don't feel like at all times, there is clearly something wrong with you. False. The truth is, its extremely hard, its not rosy, its a whole heckuva lot of insecure times, its physically dirty (and gross) and there are times that you just want to ball up, cry, and somehow enter a time machine that will take you back to when you had absolutely no one to worry about except for yourself.

Everyone also always says "oh once you hold that baby in your arms you'll forget EVERYTHING" - again - false. For me at least. I will never forget the 0 to 60 my body went thru in terms of contractions thanks to a little gel induction. I will never forget vomitting, pooping and having a horrible contraction all at once on the toilet while my husband holds the trash can for me to throw up in. Vulgar, sorry, but true and no one ever talks about THAT part of it! I don't think (although Paul begs to differ) I ever even let out a fart in front of my husband up until that point but there I am rocking all three at once - it can really only go up from there right? I'll never forget the terrible pain I felt when Declan was crowning and my epidural had worn off and I will certainly never forget feeling everything tear - yes - because of his monster head. And then the stitching up part...I mean come on. Holding Declan and looking at him after all that time was amazing......but not amazing enough to make me forget those last 8 hours. Sorry.



Those baby blues however make me forget about the first few weeks when we were up all night. It makes me forget the first 2 weeks trying to figure out why he was up all day every day screaming and not sleeping like every other newborn I had seen (oh - you aren't getting any food?! you're starving?!?! ok then mommy is so sorry!!!! let's fix that asap!). It makes me forget the stress about his skin issues and subsequent allergies. It makes me forget about how the fits he throws when I say "NO" to something he really really wants. It makes me forget the really bad days and I can honestly say when I look back on these last 16 months, I truly only remember the good times. It is crazy and I'm a cheesy person yes but I do try to be honest about life so when things are bad I'll say they're bad - but I really don't remember the bad times. They're washed from my memory. I only remember his first smile, his first laugh, when he first rolled over, watching his intense blue collar self teach himself to crawl, his incredibly social, charming and flirty personality etc etc etc. I could go on, as any mom could I'm sure. 

I'm reading "the girl with the dragoon tattoo" right now and the other night it was A) late but B) in a really suspenseful/kind of scary spot (thus why i was up late reading) and I was like ok i really need to put this down and go to bed but I was far too scared to relax and fall asleep. so i took out my phone, looked at these pictures of declan that i had taken that day and i swear they just made me smile and take a breath. 

He really does make everything better. And makes me forget all the bad...........