Recently i had just been overcome with these feelings of gratefulness. Grateful for our life at the beach. Grateful to my husband for working his ass off so I can stay home and spend every second with these boys. Grateful to be able to be the one raising my boys. Grateful to be able to cuddle in the mornings and go for walks/runs/mainly walks in the afternoons. Grateful for really wonderful neighbors and friends that we have met down here. Grateful for our amazing extended families. Grateful for so much........and in the same breath I've been thinking that life in general and how you look at it is just that. How you look at it. I don't know that many people would look at my life and be like dang, she's really got it good. We don't have a ton of stuff, our house isn't some monster, we only have one car, we don't take cool vacations, I stay home and Paul's a coach sooooo.................its really not like we have some glamorous life that people would be jealous of but we are so HAPPY. Like deep down, in your heart, where it counts, happy. And I really believe its because we've chosen to be happy. We could look at what we don't have, or we can look at what we do and just be grateful. Which is where I've been the past year and a half since moving here. I feel like Paul's been in my ear for 7 years telling me all of this and its finally sinking in :)
So here's where the test comes in. It was like everything was just going so well. Our boys are truly phenomenal. Carrig is an absolute gem, the most amazing, sweet, laidback little dude you could ever imagine and Declan, my fiery two and a half year old, has slowly but surely been coming around. His speech has improved like you wouldn't beleive, we've gotten his eyes sorted out and he wears the glasses wonderfully without thinking twice, he's in an awesome school that he loves....it was just all going really well. We were focused on the positives and loving life.
And then we have a really horrible Friday night, we all "wake up" (Declan, Paul and I didn't sleep so wake up is a loose term) on Saturday morning to a horribly sick Declan who is gasping for breath so we head immediately to the dr. Paul has a game so its me and the boys. Stressed is an understatement. We spend close to 4 hours at the doctor (they are only open 2 hours on Saturday so I can't say enough about how thankful we are to our dr and the nurses who stayed to make sure Declan was ok, to make sure I was ok, and to just to give us all lots of hugs and lollipops :) ). Decky was diagnosed as asthmatic, I was basically thrown up on with information about what this means, what I needed to make sure I did for him etc etc etc, we left with a nebulizer and a crap-ton of prespcriptions to fill.
Here's where the choice comes in. I can choose to feel sorry for Declan, sorry for what this change means for him and our family, scared for his future etc OR I can be Paul Hogan and say, "this is just another obstacle for Declan to get over and help in making him a badass". <---that's almost word for word what he said.
I will not lie, I cried a LOT the week after this happened because I obsessed about every bad thing that could happen. I think the root of this is that I do not understand asthma. At all. What Declan has is not what I thought asthma was so luckily we are heading to a specialist on Friday who will be the recipient of the novel I've written filled with questions for him. He's really looking forward to it. I hate google with a passion and I'm really not a fan of people giving me their horror stories SO I'm really looking forward to sitting down with a professional who will take an unbiased look at Declan and we can go from there.
I guess what I"m trying to say is we (I) were put to the test. I was literally thinking the week before this happened, "gosh our life is amazing.....gosh I couldn't be any luckier.....gosh I've come a long way in my attitude and outlook on life (thank you Paul).....etc etc etc. But its easy to be thankful for life when things are going well. Its a lot harder to be thankful and be positive when its rough and the future is unknown. The truth though, about all of this, is that we are still lucky. Declan is sick...but we will figure out a way to get him better and just make this "normal" for him because the last thing I want is for him to think something is wrong. It isn't. Its just his life. And whether its the eyesight or the speech or now this.......it just is what it is. All things to make him one badass, strong fella. God made him a fighter. He is. And as hard as he can be to reign in sometimes and as much as he pushes me.....................I'm SO thankful. He does not give up, this kid. Never........which forces me to never give up.
Kids. They have a way of making you so much stronger than you ever thought you could be. Thank you, Declan, for making me better. I love you for so so so many reasons.....this being one of the top.
Perspective...............Trying to keep some.
Salt water heals everything. Grateful.