There's a commercial on TV, or maybe its just on TLC when I'm watching "A Baby Story" but whatever............either way, its so spot on. More or less, the sentiment is "just when you think you've mastered a challenge, a new challenge comes along.....welcome to Parenthood" AHHHH - could not be more in tune with my thoughts.
This challenge of parenthood has been, easily, the biggest challenge of my life but its the little things, every day that change, that drive me crazy! I work SO hard (obsessively hard) at keeping Declan on a schedule, working on his naps, making sure he has a good diet, that he's eating not too much, not too little, but just enough, that he's reaching and working on his developmental skills etc etc etc etc...........I could go on but you get the jist and it drives me bananas that as hard as I try and the minute I think we're finally getting in a rhythm, something changes. It's shocking actually, and I'm sure it shouldn't be and I need to adjust my mindset to be a little more "go with the flow" but holy smokes!
The biggest thing that I worry about and I know I've written about it before, is his sleep. Not so much at night because he's a phenomenal night sleeper, but his naps and day schedule are a constant source of stress for me and truly, the minute I think we're finallllllllly getting it - something happens. Whether he goes thru a growth spurt and he needs to eat every single hour or he's teething or he's adjusting to a new daycare provider or whatever it is, if we've had a good 2 weeks, I know its about time for something to throw it off :) I don't know if the books just make it sound so easy or I have too high of unrealistic expectations of a baby or people just don't tell you the real deal or WHAT but it's so frustrating and I'm not sure how to handle it. I thought, before having a baby of my own, that you get on a schedule and it stays that way for a good long while. Turns out, every day is a little different......every single day :) And that's tough for me to handle.
But what if I simmer down and don't worry about a schedule for him, will I be short changing him and will he get what he needs if I don't guide him there? Will he think he rules the roost if I don't set boundaries or let him know, even this early, that I'm the mom and he's the child? Or should I just relax? Will there ever be a time to actually relax????????
Don't get me wrong, I love, cherish and enjoy every single second of being Declan's mom. I worry and stress, yes, but I love him with every ounce of my being so I want to do what's best for him and its just so hard, this being my first one and not having any sort of frame of reference. I know I'm also making Declan sound super difficult and he really isn't. The truth is, he has an awesome schedule, he takes a good nap in the morning and his afternoon nap/s are very hit or miss but for the most part he at least naps for 45 mins in the afternoon - haven't had one of those 3-4 hour afternoon naps I keep hearing and reading about but hey. He's unbelievably happy, super social and developing at a rate that even surprises my doctor but still - I worry. And I stress. These are the things I think about on a Friday night.........................how wild and crazy am I?!
C and D
